I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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