O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
