Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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