And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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