this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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