someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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