The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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