i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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