I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
