just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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