So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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