Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
