I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
