I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
