Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
