just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
