i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
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