I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Send help, water and tortillas.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
