I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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