I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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