I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
