i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
