I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
