Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize