I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
