READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Randomize
