If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
