I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
