I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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