I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
