Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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