He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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