I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
