So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
