I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I will be naked everywhere
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
