I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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