she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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