I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
