i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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