this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
