It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
