I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
