I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
