okay pat passed out under dana's car
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
