I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
sex in a hospital.. check
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
