Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
