i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
