So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
