Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
