I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
