Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
