I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
