i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
