make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
