watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
