My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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