I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
