Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
