East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We left the knife in your bed.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
