Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
