i think i have herpe
just one?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
