I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
