Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
my poor anus
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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