I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
