You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
