Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Randomize
