i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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