absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Sorry my hands just texted you
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
