So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
