then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
