And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
