Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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