whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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