Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
tell me about the eggs
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